Tomorrow is another day

I woke up this morning early and went outside before the sun rose to take care of the hen and her little family. It was beautiful, the sky was turning beautiful colors and there were just enough clouds to make you think it might rain. In fact, it did spit on me a few drops. Here, we call that a 2-inch rain because the drops are 2 inches apart! This time of year that's about all we get.

After I got the chickens prepared for their day I went back into the house and back to bed for a bit. I fell asleep just long enough to feel real bad when I woke up. My arms and ankles were aching and I was sick to my stomach. YAY! A bout of Fibromyalgia is on its way!

It seems that FM takes all the "want to" out of me. Sometimes I can tell it's going to come on for days before it gets here with little twinges of things to come. "Ow, that hurts...I wonder when I bruised my arm?" By three or 4 days later, the bruised feeling in my arm has traveled up my neck and down my back and sometimes I can barely stand to move them. The worst thing that hurts on me is my ankles. They seem to hurt nomatter what I do. They have since I was 23. I was skinny back then, or I would say it's my weight which has gone up considerable due to lack of the ability, and sometimes the lack of energy to be active.

I have had days where my energy level was barely enough to drag myself out of bed and to the couch. One horrendous spell of Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue lasted nearly 2 weeks, where all I could do was sit, if I raised an arm I felt like I would pass out... or away, which ever came first. Someone who has never experienced anything like it would never know what I am talking about. Those that have are probably crying because they have been there, done that!

I believe the hardest thing to do now is keep my mind wide awake and aware. I am not near as good a writer as I used to be, pre-FM, and writing this blog has kind of in a way, brought up a problem with me. I feel inadequate in writing. I feel that if I could scribble a few words such as "Me feel icky, want bed! GRUNT, GRUNT! " I would be doing much more what my brain wants and probably give everyone a good laugh at the crazy woman that thinks she can blog. (Well, I probably am doing a good job at that already, but you get the point!) So if you see a post that says something of the sort, just laugh along with me for that day and perhaps the next day my mind will turn on long enough to get a good paragraph in.

Being "brain dead" makes it hard to study the Saints as well. You need a fine toothed comb to sift through the thoughts of a Saint at times. ( I am not talking about the football team here people!) Their lives are lived somewhere else, with thoughts of that place in their brain. My life is lived somewhere else, probably not even close to where they are, without a brain! I would love to sit and write of the beauty of the depth of a Saint's writing. Of how they can reach into my heart and yank out my feelings. Instead, I rely on the love of God, the most simple yet profound part of my faith, because some days I am lucky to just walk! Perhaps that is where all the Saints end up and therein reside in His love. I on the other hand, cannot get off my own bandwagon long enough and sit peacefully to reside. If I'm down physically, I am screaming internally to fight my way back up. If I didn't, there would be so many things to do when I finally DID get up again that I would never catch up. Of course, that is the way of a mother. Not only that, but I would feel like I were not doing any of God's work.

I believe God put me here to pray. I am not much good for anything else and even miss Mass at times because of the limitations of FM. (Don't think that I don't realize the blessing of the Eucharist because I do and I cherish it in my heart.) But I DO pray! I pray continuously, with all my heart...even when I don't feel like it and probably much of the time in which to other people it does not make sense! I don't let that stop me because God knows what is in my heart. He knows what I am trying to say and He perhaps can use it for some greater good.

I often think about the fact that there are more people on the earth than ever before, less Christians than there used to be or at least less who are truly living their faith, much more crime and lack of self control and less religious cloisters than there used to be who devote their lives to prayer. WHO is going to pray if we don't? Hmm...Makes one think, doesn't it?

Changing the subject, I went today to clean my Aunt Peggy's house. She always sends something home with me. Today it was books...LOADS of books. Kade told me one day, "Aunt Peggy always sends something good home with you, one of these days, it's going to be Aunt Peggy that you bring!" She's a sweetheart to a fault. I have so many books though that I really don't know what to do with them all especially since most of the time I get one page read before I fall asleep. I suppose I'll go through them and pick out the ones I want to read most and then take the rest to the nursing home.

After I came home still feeling tired and sick, I went to bed and finally woke up and wrote this blog. That has been my day so far, how was your day?

I have to close with one more thing. I should say that I never give up on God. He leads my life. Even if I don't understand it, I know He has a plan. I will keep striving for what is best in my life and I will never give up trying for Him.

Ok, NOW I am finished!

I hope you all had a great day and don't forget...if you didn't, tomorrow is another day!