A tribute to my husband

To the man that never left, even though I was sometimes gone for days mentally hashing out heaven, hell and life in general. I will always love you.

Aging...

I saw the boy that dropped me on my head in 9th grade Saturday. He looked right at me then went back to what he was doing. He looked the same but gravity had started to pull the skin on his face in a downward motion. A touch of gray in his hair made him looked distinguished. He had a good build, for a man his age. (no sarcasm here)
I couldn't remember his name and it took me until I got home to remember it. But I knew, at least, I remembered. He on the other hand didn't have a clue who I was!

I look at so many of the actors now and go, "Gosh he's handsome!" then realize that they are the age of my sons. Yes, things change so much so quickly. 
I wonder if everyone goes through the fact that their lives have slipped by and they don't even remember losing that much time in the first place?

Do I feel old enough yet?
Well, when I got up this morning I looked in the mirror. Yes, I need to color my hair. The salt-and-pepper natural tint process is not what I want but what nature has given me. Yes, I really need to color my hair. Gracefully aging? Yes, I believe it is graceful to not look like your 60 and only be 43!
I finally after all these years have found a makeup that won't break out my skin. YAY! no more pimples at 43! Now, I see the wrinkles that the pimples hid. WHOOPIE...

Babies having babies...young women having babies...

Sometimes I understand why they are the ones that have them. I would absolutely die if I had to get up every hour of the night with a sick child now. Not because I am selfish, but because my body has to have its sleep or I feel like crap for days! When I was young I could do anything and pop right out of bed! Not anymore! It has become one of my best friends!

Old...in my head, I am only 13. In my heart maybe 4 or 5. I believe it is only a perception this world puts on us that age makes a difference in our dignity. We may learn more, but we are always that little child that needs their blanket and a hug.

Another place to find me

I have been spending quite a bit of time here lately and usually am there at some point in the day.






http://www.myspace.com/tjt65

Away in more ways than one

Depression is a funny thing, it can grab a person and run with their life and their inspirations. For a year and a half (maybe more) I wasn't sure exactly what I was feeling, only that I'd been hurt and it felt like it was something I could never ever get over.
An issue with a very dear friend had been the straw that broke the camel's back. It was something that I hadn't expected...the inability to get up and move forward. I came to a screeching halt like I'd hit a brick wall and I was unable to turn around and go back because the wall had become unstable and was falling in upon itself and I just happened to be under it.
"No, I'm not depressed. I'm HURT and I will be OK in time. I just have to find myself again. I just have to move forward again and that will come with time." Well, sometimes there comes a point in reality when a person has to realize that they've been through all their body will let them. Health issues, emotional issues, friend issues...it all adds up. The harder I tried to live a life that Christ wanted me to live, (and still does) the farther the ability to communicate and achieve anything became. It even got to the point that I would want to read something and a few words made sense, the rest was just jibberish and I would wish that people could get to the point and quit rambling on with all their nonsense...little did I realize it was depression's grip holding my brain hostage.
I had enough depression to sink a battleship and didn't even know that's what was causing all the trouble. Well, not all of it. There was the muscle pain from the Fibromyalgia and there was also some Chronic Fatigue that I had to deal with every day as well and still do.
I think I was overloaded with health issues beyond my control and life in general.
Thank goodness I have a doctor that saw something worth saving or I probably would just lay down and die!
I have so many new things to tell and one of them is that both my sons have very serious girlfriends now. They are dear girls and I think it's going to be a wonderful thing.
Now, I am just trying to recover from my being gone in mind and life in general. I think I'll always have some of it to deal with but it's going to be better.
My doctor injected muscles across my shoulders and neck that had been spasming since I first got Fibromyalgia with an anti-inflammatory drug and the very next morning I woke up with less depression than I'd had for years. He also gave me an anti-depressant to take and I have seen some of the old me come back but I still feel it's far, far from who I used to be. I wonder if it's possible to ever find what I was before I became ill?
Well, when it matters I will talk about it. Right now, I just want to return.

The Last Goodbyes

If you're like me, there is always room in your home for one more pet. Even if the husband/wife seems to think otherwise. I found this poem and thought it so much represented my heart that i had to post it. Hope you like it.

The Last Goodbyes
As you hold them in your arms
And say your last good-byes
Look close into the fading light
that flickers in their eyes

They are not afraid
because they know when a sparrow falls
she falls into the hands of God
all creatures great and small

Remember when you found your pet
abandoned, frightened, so alone
shivering at your side you gave comfort
and shared the warmth of your home

As the years passed, they were with you
through every joy and sorrow
Always at your side until one day you knew
there would be no more tomorrows

You sigh and think
never again will I give my heart
it hurts too much to grieve
when you have to part

But there are so many animals
that have no place to go
who are longing for someone just like you
to love and call their own

They don't live as long as humans do
this too is a part of God's plan
for animals are God's angels
to be there for you when he can't

God's gift is that you can love many
when your pet has time for only one
you can give love and happiness to the strays...
who without you would have none.

So lay your friends to rest, lift up your hearts
dry your tears, for it is told
death is but a passage into the hands of God,
through the gates of gold

Somewhere others need you
in shelters, or wandering the streets
they want nothing more from life
than to lay down at your feet

It is time to give another life
the love only you can give
we are the caretakers of God creatures
for not to love... is not to live

written by Brenda Riley-Seymore

Some Things are always right and true

With this up and coming election, I would like to ask everyone to comment on this post. Not just for political reasons, but for spiritual ones as well. I would like to hear how you define TRUTH. Truth of this life, of the spiritual realm and how it impacts what judgements you make in your life.
How do we know it's true? What guidelines can we use in our lives to prove it's true? Do they have to be written or are they simply something we have known and understood since childhood? How can we know the truth if scholars cannot even agree on what truth is?

(I had this great story of what I've experienced about truth, but I would like to hear it from you, so I deleted it. I will comment on my experience in another post. I will say that the Catechism of the Catholic Church has a lot to say on the matter.)

Incholm Abbey

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The inscription says: 'May this house stand until an ant drains the flowing sea, and a tortoise walks around the whole world.'

There, but for the grace of God, go I

She was shopping when I first entered the variety store, wending her way through the aisles and racks. I couldn't see her when I first came in for her small frame did not allow me to see her above the display of Halloween candy, but I could certainly hear her.

She seemed to be carrying a conversation with someone, both voices seemed to be speaking to each other in low tones so the topic was inaudible. She peeked around the island of Spongebob Squarepants candy canes as I strolled by with my cart and smiled. Her cheeks were tinted with blush carefully placed on them in precise circles and her lips were a matching hue of red. Great hooped earrings peeked out of the freshly primped hairdo that hung past her shoulders and on top her head sat a cap that looked like one that a rap band had given her and she even wore it with the bill turned 3/4 of the way around. Her smile was one of pleasure, but she seemed to be missing more than just a few teeth and the ones she did have seemed to be in various stages of decay. She seemed to me to be a present-day 'Dirty Sally'. (For those who used to watch the series "Gunsmoke" you will understand my term.)

I could not help myself, I would not help myself even if I could have; I smiled back.

"Yep, they've sure got some neat stuff in this store. Lookie here, even got spongebob Squarepants candycanes." She said and then gave a little giggle/cackle. I acknowledged her comment and said that I thought they had neat stuff too.

She seemed to distract me all the way through the store even if I were at the back and she at the front. Her cart heaping with everything from jackets to clocks and cans of gensing tea. I proceeded to search out the few things I had come in for, some cat food, a few cleaners, something for the football boys at school...all the while, I was thinking about this lady.

She seemed to me to be about my age and she must have had a myriad of mental disorders. My heart leapt out to her because I could see the look on the clerk's face as she started to unload her cart. "She is someone's daughter," my heart said, "Someone has had a million hopes that her life would be grand." From the back of the store I peeked toward the front. She was still unloading things.

There was only one line open when I got to the front of the store. She was still in the process of checking out and there were 3 other people in line before me. The all stood nearly 15 feet from this woman as if she had something highly contagious. Soon, the next check out stand was opened up because the line was backing up in hers. Everyone left her line but me. There was country music playing in the background and she nodded her head deeply as it played and made faces to the emotions of the song.

I patiently smiled as the clerk rang up her things. The bill was 182.00 and she'd only brought 150.00 with her. I could see the process was becoming common place with her and the clerks. The clerk on duty got her supervisor to come and tell her that she'd over spent and that she needed to put some things back. Slowly, she went through her cart, finding things she thought she could do without. A pack of 10 colors of nail polish, a few cans of tea, a dog bone...the list continued.

When she'd gotten her purchases down to under 150.00 she thanked the clerk who never smiled or said anything to her at all and went out the door with her cherished purchases.

I continued to smile even though the people behind the counter were not happy, and placed my things upon the counter.
"Well, that was excruciating!" the Supervisor said with a peeved look on her face.
I said, "That's ok, I don't mind that much...I kind of feel sorry for her." I said.

"Well you might, but she does this about 3 times a week!" the lady behind the counter announced. "It wouldn't be so bad if she would just put back the things she didn't need and keep the things she did. Last week she put back the soap and deodorant just so she could keep the lacy panties! Like she's ever going to NEED lacy panties!" She exclaimed in exhasperation.

I cringed inwardly. I could see that she was just like the rest of the world and that this tiny woman that carried on two conversations at once and painted her face like it were a coloring book simply did not fit the mold. She continued to tell me how this woman had applied for a job and had told her after filling out the form, "Of course, you know I'm not very good with numbers." at which the supervisor had informed her, "Well, yah...I noticed!"

Being very aware that this woman was suffering from some sort of mental disorder I proceeded to tell th supervisor about my friend Matt who has Down Syndrome and how if you give him two pennies he thinks he has two thousand dollars.
She seemed to soften a bit realizing too that this woman could not help what she was.

I left the store with my few purchases and a tear in my eye all the while looking for the little lady to see which way she'd went. There was no sign of her.

My thought as I left was to pray for her and hope that people would come to realize that she is what she is and to accept her differeces instead of shunning her because of it and knowing all the while, it could be me that had this condition and she could be living a life that better fit the mold.

I told my mother about the incident and she too felt for this woman. Mom's term is the one I use today, "There, but for the grace of God, go I."

Quote attributed to John Bradford

The Call

Therefore, I desire that men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting. 1Ti 2:8

Early this morning, somewhere near 5:30 a.m. I rose from my bed with a feeling that I needed to pray. I didn't know why until I turned on the news for a brief moment before I started my prayers. THIS is what I saw on the news. A mother's children abducted by a car jacker and I realized how heart wrenching a situation would be to a mother AND the children involved.
I began praying the Rosary and as I prayed, I had only gotten through the 2nd decade and I had this warm, soothing feeling wash over me. I heard within my heart, "Don't worry about the children, they are going to be OK."

The peace that washed over me was so intense that I had a hard time staying awake to finish my Rosary. I was so soothed that afterward, I feel asleep for another hour in perfect peace.

Today at noon, I turned on the news just to get an update. THIS is what I found online. The news on television said that they were found sometime around 5:30 to 6:00 a.m.! ( There is an hour time difference between there and here as well making it an hour earlier in Washington) I would have to say that it was a prayer answered!

Now, I am not saying that you have to pray a certain way to be heard by God, but I know what I felt this morning while praying the Rosary was definitely a sign that God was listening to my prayer. When I have depression and the like, I can pray the Rosary and it lifts at times. For me, the Rosary answers many of my prayers. Some people have a terrible aversion to the Rosary, some because they've been taught it just couldn't possibly be the right way to pray and others because they were simply forced to pray it while growing up and can't find it in their heart to pray it now. Some, on the other hand, find it the answer to every prayer.
The question I raise to myself more than anyone else is, do I always answer the call to pray? Why do I sometimes NOT pray when I know that it is the answer to anything and everything?

I only want to make people aware that if they feel the need to pray, please do! Sometimes, it could divert the worst things that happen in our society. At other times, it is the answer to an illness or it may help a person make the change in their life that they've needed to do for years.
NEVER give up on what God can do, and He can do ANYTHING!
All we have to do is listen to The Call and answer it with our heart, " YES, Lord!"

A Mother's Pride and Joy

Here are my two sons, Justin and Kade. We took these photos on a creek near our home and also under a HUGE poplar tree we traditionally take our photos at each year.

I think they're keepers!